• J.C. Manning

The Problem with Indecisiveness


"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us" - Gandalf the Grey, from J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy book series "The Lord of the Rings".




Have you been deliberating about a particular decision for an undetermined period of time?


Well, you are not alone. I would think it has happened to all of us more than once, frequently for some people, and scarcely for others.


I know it happens to me every once in a while regardless of all the personal work I have done. In the end, we are all human... human beings living a human life. And the funny thing about decisions is that, at least in my experience, they can seem bigger inside of us than what they really are outside of us and vice versa.


"Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right." - Phil McGraw

This is specifically relevant to my experience of what I perceive to be the connection between decisions and fear of loss. Behind every decision, there is a choice, and with every choice, there is something we let go. Whether we choose A and let go of B, or vice versa, or we let go of both and end up with choice C. There is loss; or more accurately: there is a sense of loss. The 'bigger' the decision for us to make, the 'bigger' this idea of loss. Their is an almost instinctual experience in the avoidance of loss that leads us to take comfort in what is known as the comfort zone. We seek NOT TO LOSE if we can help it. Hence, the everlasting indecisiveness. The avoidance of loss, leads to the avoidance of choice, which in turn leads to the procrastination of life.



Great. Now what?


Well, if there is in fact a connection between decision-making and our fear of loss, we can start by playing with our conception with loss/losing. What does it mean to lose something/someone? What does it mean specifically to me? Is this idea an exaggeration of some sort? Could 'the act of losing' be a possibility for growth, empowerment, appreciation? Sadness is often an emotion that accompanies loss. Is sadness an emotion we let ourselves feel, or is it one of those forbidden ones?

We can start asking ourselves: what has been my way of conceiving loss?


So, how can we come to terms with our own losses?

What comes to mind is... being in gratitude. Being able to see the gifts that can come from A or B, instead of focusing about what we might not experience in the lack of either. Shift the fear-of-loss mindset, to create an excitement-to-experience mindset.


As I read this, I am reminded that we came without a map and compass... and it is okay to get lost from time to time. Right? So in the words of Phil McGraw... "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right"! And if that does not work... you can always choose again!

#decisions #decisionmaking #loss #choice #chooseagain

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© 2018 by Juan Carlos Manning - Ontological Life Coach